This may sound outlandish …but this is for the men who thought they held apiece of my heart. Here’s why I do not expect you or want you to be part of my Valentine’s day.
To Jimmy; if beautiful had a face, it would be yours beyond a doubt .If I were an optical doctor, I would diagnose it as healthy visual acuity and operate in stealth mode. When it comes to you, handsome is under statement. You caught my sense of sight as eye candy but therein I discovered how deceptive looks can be. We kept exchanging looks and signing love treaties in the air, the true beast that you were was unleashed. Telling me how I should be your Bathsheba, I know she was a queen but I know she also took baths in questionable locations. I hate to end up doing the laundry work of satiating your lustful desires. I will not take baths in fantasies of you fueling a tank of love that will never run empty. I base these conclusions owing to the lessons you’ve taught me. I have learned that you have a high sexual appetite and now I understand that gluttony can never heal starvation. It is also a disorder. And because of this, I sometimes consider being celibate. But I pray to My Jesus for you, I know He satisfies with long-life myriad plans to God’s master-plan. Maybe the next valentine’s Cupid will aim his arrow at us but for now, I’m walking as far as my legs can permit me too.
To Johnny: you really showed me why Johnny walked. You were different well almost; you made my heart beat again after Jimmy departed but it was not long before I was miserable again on the voyage. I ‘m grateful for the favors; for example: expensive jewelry and amazing eat-out experiences. (I have great admiration for your pronounced taste.)You understood me when I said where there is food, there is happiness. It was too good to be true; my heart beat in anticipation for our first argument. The icing on the cake was you terms and conditions of what we had to always be approved by you mum. You are a typical mama’s boy that, those kindnesses left my emotions paying a visit to pity parties because I was never happy. I really would love a third party in our relationship but only when it is God. I’m through with all your companions of that dreaded presence that is why you not be my Valentine. (P.s: I totally respect your mum)
To Jeffry: the charming guy that caused happiness to pitch its tent in my heart. When you spoke, I could not help myself but dissolve in laughter (not because of your funny Kenyan accent) but because of you’re amazing sense of humour. I always terrorized you out of love. I loved your singing that is why I also made fun of your voice. Your musical serenades and endless stories made me go gaga. But the calamity of the common scale is that you were more centered on cultivating fame and seeking status which made way for a fog of this, my broken-heart. And it will not be you either this Valentine’s Day.
To Joey;you inspire me in more ways than I can think of. Your sense of brainpower humbles me, I actually stand-still (that is a posture of hope that I will be you’re predecessor). But I respect you a lot as a 50 year old, but loving you will give me a guilt sense of impropriety especially when you are double my age. This Valentine’s Day, am not eyeing for a fatherly figure and that is why it will not be you.
To Jody; my music star. Where words fail, indeed music speaks. Hearing you sing and play that bass guitar strips me of mental dignity and cannot help but scream. (Unlike you Mr. Lyrical monster, I cannot sing of my love for you.) A wide smile plays across my face when your name pops up in my chat-list you are saved us’’ SENT FROM HEAVEN’’. But I understand that I’m not growing any younger and I choose to understand you see me nothing more than a baby sister. Even when you change your viewpoint, you make me second guess your loyalty. I’m afraid you will lock me up in cages of endless goodbye schedules, see you later routines until you win some musical awards. So I will not subscribe to it this valentine’s.
To Jeremy; we just chanced upon each other less than a month ago and it’s like I’ve known you my entire life. Freaky yeah,but your presence slowly clips away my frayed emotions of depression and discouragement. You remind me of that impeccable guy I sketched up in my journal .When you are around me, I feel unbridled passion igniting on the inside and as we hold hands, my arms go limb. I stammer a lot when I’m with you and it’s in that moment I forget that I have confidence the size of Africa. I love that you love God, you pray with me, remind me to tithe generally you buoy me up. You are my biggest fan even when the issues I pen about get a little mantra. You also jog my memory of my undying love for cars; those monster rides in particular (top gear fans get this most). I hear you’re clarion call of being enthusiastic about how we could get somewhere (especially when guys like you are as common as one legged monkeys). This could be a dangerous opportunity because it’s a matter of time until you see me at my worst. (This does not mean I am the horror of horrors). I wonder if you will still hand around me a lot. So nonetheless, you will not be my special gent this Valentine’s.
To the above men ( and the ones to come ),I’m voicing out a thunderous thank you for being a part of my life.it is because of most of you that I was oblivious to a one-in-a -life time romance with God. I was always on my toes on what to type next and never reclined on the chief seat to relax in the palm of His love.
This Valentine’s Day I will dance myself lame with God until He lets the perfect man cut in. Just like David, I will await my Jonathan. (I have a thing for guys with J names as you can see above). I will ask him to be my Valentine and more essentially to be the Addis to my Ababa. That one man God will set apart for me, who will teach me not to fall in love but to rise in love. Have a keepsake-memory Valentine’s Day.♥