Recently a friend asked me whether , would go on to date myself after all that I know about me.In mind’s eye was the race to answer this rhetoric question in the most polite manner and not haughtily display the epitome of egoism. A smile played across my mouth and an affirmative answer escaped from lips. If I were to date a version of me, I would be affirmative in the action. I do not attribute it to charismatic looks, swagger or witty charm. (It’s never about to me).Little did my friend know she had set the ball rolling for countless questions on my wandering journey of life.
Behind the scenes of life’s demands, where professor day hands me tons of schedules and the night lectures me on how I reap on what I sow; was a space full of questions and empty of the right answers.
When I was like a child, I thought like a child. But now that am a grown Woman, I put my childish ways behind me and answer the call to maturity. So for me to date, the end goal should be a blossoming marriage.
Life does not make sense some times if not most, it sometimes leaves us wounded and landing flat faced on the ground. This accounts for the many bruises on my fair skin. Before I quit the masquerades, I played the role of commander-in-chief at the assembly of those who easily give up; I traded the tenacious spirit when frustrations ate at me, leaving in me in full attendance of pity parties. Not forgetting the beast in me in unveiled when my account of patience runs low. Sometimes jealously and envy feasted on me or took a lick at pride. I have learnt that we leave in a world of bruises, wounds and cuts.
Like any other fan of fairytale characters, I too desire to date and finally marry my prince charming. It is an enthralling thought to sway down the aisle to meet the man in the tuxedo. He should be bad to the bone in terms of structure. I like my Coffee dark so I hope he is of a hazelnut completion. I pray my children will have unbridled passion to play basketball so I can do without his 6 pack and only hope he is at least 6 meters tall. Before you center your attention on my wish list of requirements,where some vital qualities have been exposed latently for example character.
Let’s explore together if you would date yourself.
This is when I pose the question to myself, how selfish and twisted can mankind get. To ask a man much more that you can actually give.The things people do for love; in my case I consider it a risk to as to put some man on a risky journey of leaving his beloved home to marry my crazy ways, my stinky morning breath, and my weird mannerisms. I wonder between singleness and marriage which is better: I gather divorce stems from a marriage and loneliness from singleness which is a perquisite for marriage.
Paradoxical, is it not? But keep your hands on deck and remember that marriage is an end that justifies the means. However, marriage is not mandatory it is a choice. Your marriage is only as good as your singleness. After all, you bring to marriage what you are as you a single person on the altar before you say I do. So one ought to work on oneself and not think to become another person in the course of dating.
For example, I disremembered to mention I was a former champion that collected trophies of insecurity. Self love was a taboo in my life style. I was a rebel when it came to things such as forgiveness and love that originates from God.so I realized I was asking to give what I did not have. I thought that it should be that way since it is not an easy way to be vulnerable to someone and commit to them until death does us part. But after he comes in a bid of making me a complete woman in that secret state of my secret incomplete, there are still many unanswered questions. It is like an itch that I cannot scratch.
I desire to date a gentleman who will understand that our relationship necessitates a third cord who is God simply because the arm of flesh always disappoints. I am not saying that he should necessarily remove the thorn (which symbolizes imperfections) from my flesh like Paul. But I beseech him to remind me of God’s gracious favor that is sufficient for me amidst my weakness; for him to shape a new perspective while life hands me a few hard knocks to stumble off my path of a God-given destiny. I am patiently waiting for the day I meet that one male whose character who will cause me to grow in the knowledge of the Author of time. A man among men who brings me into constant remembrance of The Sovereign God whose handwriting is represented by the vast creations canvassing the land, seas and beyond galaxies.
This is why I will concentrate my energies on dating my self. When he finally comes along, I know beyond a shadow of doubt we will both be complete and even as we marry, we will still be single. I will sign out as I have thrown your mind in confusion with that last part.
P.s; Would you date a version of you after all you know about yourself?