On this blogosphere, i have great and utmost pleasure to have a great comrade air out her views. She has been in the business longer than i have(metamorphically speaking). Sublte royalty is her name. http://www.subtleroyalty.wordpress.com
Today, she sounds a clarion call to potential self lovers who are never afraid to challenge the status quo.
Caveat emptor:This is a keep sake read so i recommend you grab some popcorn.
; I’m sitting here on the patio of a restaurant that I like, overlooking the city. It’s 5:45pm. I’ve been here for an hour or so. Alone. It’s something I do often, when I can afford it. Masturdating. I have my earphones on; James Bay, Hozier…that kind of thing works for me when I’m alone. I enjoy my company a little too much for my own good. I don’t know whether it’s narcissism or being introverted. I like to think I am neither, though I may have a little bit of both.
I have gotten so comfortable with my own company. My body? Well, we are working on that but I am learning, in bits and pieces, in fragments and fractions, in brokenness and wholeness, on dark days and sleepless nights, in moments I can count and hold, I am enough. I am whole. I am complete. I hope it is not blasphemous when I say, poetry has and still is, my Bible on this journey.
poetry will save you again and again
and you will thank it by surviving” — Upile.
So when you ask me whether I would date myself, I look at you and smile a knowing smile. One of two lovers that have been discovered but are too shy to admit. They’ve been seeing each other and none of their friends knew, but they suspected. They always get the question “What’s going on with you two?” We are just friends, they say. Because both are scared to admit that their feelings run deeper, what if he doesn’t feel the same? They do all things lovers should do together, but they don’t want to put a ‘label’. They are scared of the label, it demands too much of themselves and commits to something they are not sure of yet. But isn’t that how all relationships start? Plunging head first hoping it’s not a shallow pool of incompatibility? Isn’t that what all relationships demand? Commitment despite the assurance of how this will end? But this is me dating me, this ends how I choose.
The underlying concept is, in the end you have you. You’ll always have you. You might date 5, 7 or no one at all and you’ll still have you. Dating for me is , therefore, not a goal. I look at it as a sweet pleasure of life. Like chocolate almond fudge icecream(if you know me, you know the importance of this particular flavor in my life), you can do without it. You simply allow yourself the pleasure of it.
Oh, I have answered the question in such verbose hihi, well simply put. Yes, I have me and I have me for life. I am not relegating treating myself the way I want to be treated to anyone. I take myself out when I feel like it, I forgive myself when I make a mistake, I talk with myself when I need someone to talk to, I compliment myself when I look good(boy, don’t I do that often!), I do unto myself as I’d have it done to me. That probably sounds selfish though. But the point? I. Am. Enough. I am complete. I am whole. And I will always have me and that makes me
sleep at night…
About the writer: Esther is a writer, well she calls herself one and she loves poetry and everything sugar.